Newsletter 15: Delusions, Daydreams, and Drive

August 2024

Taken while Adam was driving and I was daydreaming. :)

I am what some may call delusional. I have big dreams and big plans. I have those dreams and plans inside the world of writing and storytelling, industries that are notoriously seen as ‘impossible’ to guarantee success in. And I’m okay with that. Because — in my experience (both lived and read) — artists, writers, and entrepreneurs are often delusional. I’ve also recently learned delusion is even more beautiful when paired with drive. And as I get older, I see more clearly when to tap into each separately and when both need to be present.

Early on I tried to drown my delusion with ‘sense’ but it just didn’t stick. So a few months post graduation from uni I was sitting at our computer typing away, or curled up in cafés with journals scribbling stories. And while ‘sense’ sometimes still tries to sneak in on the rough days, my delusion has thankfully been ever-present since childhood.

In fact, my delusion is so big that Adam and I even went as far as quitting our jobs, selling almost everything we owned, and moving in with my mom and her husband about twelve years ago to write our first novel. Delusional and brave with sprinkles of crazy. 😜

We released our book and it did okay, but we didn’t become an instant success. (Which I delusionally thought we might.) But, my delusion kept me going. It kept me going through a lot of floundering, confusion, and learning. And then, drive entered the scene.

While my delusion has been ever-present, my drive had been squished and diminished by decades of cultural expectations for me as a woman and as a creative. So these last few years I’ve set to healing and fostering my drive. I like it a lot, too. And I know it will help me just as much as my delusion. Thankfully, in the last year I’ve felt my drive becoming more at home in my mind and body.

So now, as I lean into my drive, I’m testing its edges. Ironically, it feels a lot like driving a car. How fast can I go without feeling scared? How well does it handle? How smooth is it on the turns? (If you don’t know this about me, I love cars!) I’m learning my drive is a fun and useful partner to my delusions. And both are wonderful partners in service to my dreams.

So it goes like this: I have daydreams about becoming a successful author, storyteller, t.v. show creator, and more. I have the crazy delusion that not only are one of these things possible, but multiples of them are. And now I can partner my delusion with drive. The engine to move them all forward.

This means the next few months are going to see some shifts in how I’m approaching my writing and how I’m approaching publishing it. This also means, as you probably guessed, that some timelines are going to stretch. And some may even shrink. (Fingers crossed.) But I have the grand delusion that you’ll stick around with me because you’re awesome, you’re generous with your support, and I have a feeling that you, too, have a grand dream. I also have the great and sincere belief that you are capable of the beautiful daydreams you hold. And I’m here to cheer you on. Because I am so grateful for each and every cheer you give me with your likes, your comments, your encouragement, your reading of this newsletter, your purchase of our book. It all means so much to me. Thank you!

That’s why I love this space. We get to support each other, learn from each other, encourage each other when things get tough, and cheer each other on when things come to fruition.

Are We There Yet?

Short answer: no. Longer answer: we’re making good progress, but things have slowed a bit.

The more I settle into this role of writing AND running our indie publishing company, the more I am learning patience. And to plan for longer times than my internal instant gratification gnome would like. 😂 (Also, so disappointed a gnome emoji doesn’t exist.) That said, we are still in progress on the Manly Hero cover, and are making edits to the story, while also beginning to shop for an editor for final edits. 

Things got a little sticky with Bones this month. It started to feel like a slog. But, I’ve got some fun new ideas to experiment with. I do enjoy learning how to explore through the sticky spots of life and writing. Because when I know how to do that, life and writing seem so much less overwhelming. Obviously I’ll keep you all up to date as things start to line up with more certainty.

Obsession Sessions

This last year I began to spend much, much, much too much time scrolling on Instagram in the evening. I thought I was using it to ‘wind down’. In reality it stressed me out. And then, I discovered the New York Times word games and crossword puzzles app. Now, when I’m done my day, I curl up in my old La-Z-Boy chair, open the NYT app on my iPad, and spend a happy few hours watching cooking shows while trying for the life of me to solve a crossword puzzle without using the ‘check puzzle’ or ‘reveal a square’ options. (I’ve managed to get through a few of them without aid, but only Mondays and Tuesdays. Things really start to level up on Wednesdays.)

Since swapping Instagram for word puzzles I’ve noticed a marked lowering of my stress and anxiety and I’ve even learned a few new facts and words, so it’s a win-win. 😀

Bye For Now

May your evenings be relaxing, may your daydreams be held safe by your delusions, and may your drive escort your daydreams to the finish line.

Love you, Petra ❤️

P.S. I’d love to know a delusional dream you have that you’re not willing to give up. Or one that you’ve already achieved. Please share it in the comments so we can all give you cheers and encouragement.

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Thanks for reading! As an indie author, I really appreciate your support. :)

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